“This story is necessary in terms of bringing the beauty and agony of adoption out of the shadows.”Written as a narrative to my daughter, I wanted her to have the whole story. Where she came from. Why I placed her for adoption. And how, for the next eighteen years, I hovered on the edges of her family, granted access by her generous parents, but always wanting more. More for her, and more for me. This daughter, who arrived before I was ready for her, redefined love and hope and family.I am not ready, not able, to raise you.Ten years too early, I need time to grow up.To offer you, I have love.And nothing else.You need more than I have to give,Unless I give you up.To parents who are ready, waiting, to raise you.Ten years wanting, with a ready home.Parents who have love,And everything else, too.If I do it,If I break my own heart to spare yours,Will it work?Will you be happier, healthier this way?And will I ever be okay again?This unconventional memoir tells the story of a kinship adoption from the perspective of a birthmother. The intimate narrative will break your heart, then heal it, with new perspectives on adoption, openness, and the complex ways we define family.