got cancer? (spring break gone bad) is the diary-like account of James J. Gaudio’s induction into a club that is perfectly indiscriminate in regard to membership, i.e., the cancer patients’ club. The narrative recounts the three principal components constituting Gaudio’s initiation: the insidious attack that the killer waged against him for months, an intense eleven days of hospitalization, and a substantially altered self-portrait of himself. This cathartic work offers service to: Cancer patients Potential cancer patients The families and friends of cancer patients The medical community For thirteen years, Gaudio worked as a high school chemistry teacher until cancer abruptly ended his school year in April 2007. Like millions before and millions to follow, cancer made him a most reluctant expert regarding a most unwanted fate.