TommyInnit's Guide to Survival in Bloomington, MN

It's a cruel, cruel world out there. Trust me, I've seen it. You're pretty much doomed unless you know how to survive. Which you don't. Which I do. Which is why I have written the ultimate survival guide to life.
My name is TommyInnit. I've been around the block these past twenty years. I've seen things you couldn't handle. I've eaten things you couldn't taste. Handled taxes in ways that (probably) won't get you arrested.
Always prepped for the apocalypse, I know a thing or two about surviving.
Don't believe me? Here's proof.
Things I've survived:
- Death of loved ones
- Swans
- Other stuff
So you see? This book is going to change you. Let's begin.