The First Year

The First Year is a look inside the first 365 days of grief for author Bella Rainey after losing her father to suicide at the age of 20. Bella shows glimpses into her late father Phil Rainey's life, explains the complexity of guilty grief, and walks you through the ins and outs of losing a parent. The memoir starts with Bella's first "notes app entry" on May 26, 2021, just a few short hours after losing her dad. As the months, days, and hours go by, the memoir follows Bella's journey through grief with her notes app entries (or as she calls, brain dumps and overshares). Bella dives head first into each of these stages of her grief journey using the notes as mile-markers of growth, setbacks, and life changes. Bella wrote this book with the intention of self reflection, as well as the goal to reach people who need something to relate to when they experience grief, not just something to "fix" them. Through her brute honesty, gentle self affirmations, and open-book lifestyle, she hopes to help people better understand what it is like to lose a parent, or close loved one, especially in a highly traumatic situation. This book is dedicated to Bella's village. She couldn't talk this openly about it without you all.