Seeing Buttercups

Seeing Buttercups is the sequel to Surviving KaDee. It is the troubled tale of Jennifer Meredith, a woman who escaped the torment of active addiction, only to return to it a decade later. She recounts the story of her unhappy life to her best friend, Tessa Parker - a woman with whom she hasn't spoken for five years. In turn, Tessa shares her struggles and the accompanying triumphs afforded her through living a life of recovery. From Seeing Buttercups: I spend my conscious minutes wondering how things could be different. How things could be better. How things could be more than things. I know you're thinking, "Live in today." But what is today except tomorrow's yesterday? It's easier living inside my head with the few happy memories I've managed to hide in a secret corner. Escape. It's easier to escape than to live. I doubt if you'd understand what goes through my mind these days, though you've heard about some of the drastic changes I've made. I know I deserve everything I've been given. I have nowhere to go, no place to be, and no one to love me. I have nothing left of myself. I have nothing left to make me want to live. I take that back, I've got a fix left, a shot to numb all these feelings for a little while. Something that will kill me for a little while and sedate the monster in my head. With it, I am instantly in heaven. I know no pain. No torment. No one can hurt me, including myself. I have to have it. It's like an overdriven gravitational pull sucking me in every second of every minute. My whole life in six letters: H.E.R.O.I.N.