Brave New Weird in Bloomington, MN

The End is Weird
In the event of cosmic fallout, it is vital that you adhere to the following:
Secure your own persona, and a backup if available. A neighbor's is acceptable.
Your skin may attempt to abscond. This is normal in these situations. Do not panic.
Ignore all notifications from your mobile devices. They are not to be trusted.
Pay no mind to the details of that photograph. Yes, that one.
Should your body accrue any additional limbs, please keep proper inventory; they will need to be accounted for.
Avoid celebrity advice.
Do not feed the bears.
You will feel dizzy.
You will feel nausea.
Do not panic. This will pass.
Do not panic.
This will not pass.
Step bravely.