At His Mercy: The True Story of a Victim's Journey Through Clergy Sexual Misconduct

As I grew in my new position as a youth ministry leader, I soon found myself embroiled in a seductive, tumultuous relationship with my pastor. He was a charismatic bad boy and I was an insecure newlywed who felt unappreciated and unfulfilled at home. The sexual tension between us would quickly ramp up before being dialed back - always on his terms - inching ever closer to the point of no return. Over the course of nearly two years, I was completely at his mercy, driven through the euphoric highs and the devastating lows of his emotional rollercoaster until we eventually went as far as we could possibly go. But as our trysts became more sporadic and emotionally damaging, I sought professional advice. Suddenly, everything came into perspective - I was a victim of clergy sexual misconduct, the sinister and subtle power dynamic that gives religious leaders untold psychological control over their flock. I was left torn, unsure if I should report the pastor or persist with the relationship, wondering if what we shared was indeed true love. This memoir is a raw, narrative portrayal of the true emotions and events that led me down such a dark path that felt so right in the moment. My intent is for others who have experienced similar abuse - either in the Church or elsewhere - to find in my story the affirmation, hope, and strength to acknowledge the true nature of abusive power dynamics. This is a story of seduction, shame, revelation, and the long, uncertain road to recovery.