Joy Randall's Top 5 Tips for Vampire Hunters: Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, ten-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker. Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire. No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better. Play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk-show circuit, and whatever you do, don't offer him your heart! Most of all, remember: being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.